My Assignment to Others Does Not Cancel Me

After a season of severe life burnout, I came to a hard but necessary realization: my assignment to others does not cancel the assignment I have over my own life. In this personal episode, I share what burnout looked like for me physically, mentally, and emotionally, the moment that changed how I was viewing my life, and why caring for yourself is not a betrayal of your responsibilities. It is a necessary part of carrying them well. If you have been feeling buried under the weight of life, this episode is a reminder that you are not meant to disappear inside your responsibilities. 

Transcript

Something I've learned over the last few years is that my assignment in the lives of others does not negate the assignment I have over my own life. 

This is a truth I know now and stand on. But getting to the point of realizing this truth and actually living by it, now, that wasn't easy. 

You're listening to Making Space for Me, a podcast for women who carry a lot, give a lot, and are learning how to care for themselves in a life that never slows down. I'm your host, Otanthia Williams-Brady, and welcome. 

So, I started making space for me after a season of severe burnout. And when I say burnout, I mean the kind that touches every part of you. Now, it wasn't necessarily work-related, like in the traditional sense of the word. This was life-stress burnout. And honestly, I feel like the combined stressors of life nowadays are wearing people out. It seems as if everyone I know is carrying a lot. It's like life's plate is so full that things aren't just stacked up, they're literally falling off the sides. And when life is that full, caring for yourself can feel impossible, because there is always something to do, always someone who needs something. And many times, the responsibility for handling those things falls upon you. But being everything for everyone and nothing for yourself, that just doesn't work.  

Whether you want to admit it or not, neglecting yourself affects you. And while it may show up differently for different people and to different degrees, it affects you nonetheless. 

 For me, personally, I was miserable. 

I was trying to be everything for everyone all the time. And in that, I was dealing with a level of exhaustion that sleep couldn't fix. Not that I could sleep anyway, because my mind was constantly racing, worrying, processing, figuring things out. There were always decisions to make, important ones, minor ones, from deciding whether someone should have surgery to what we're gonna eat for dinner. Like, the decision fatigue was real. 

I was always going, always doing. My body was tired, and it was showing me. I was dealing with the physical effects of chronic stress. You know, the aches and pains, the GI upset, low energy, et cetera.  

And then there was the emotional drain. Like, I'm a very empathetic person. So, when the people I love are hurting, I feel that deeply. I wanna help. I wanna support them through it. But somewhere along the way, it began to feel like I was not just concerned about what they were carrying, but I was carrying it too. I was holding so much of other people's emotions that I barely had room left to feel my own. 

And after being under that kind of strain for so long, something starts to happen. 

You stop feeling like yourself. You start to feel numb. You look around at your life, and you realize you're not really living. You're existing. You're functioning. But deep down, you're miserable, and you don't know how to change it. That's a hard way to live. 

Because yes, you want to do the right thing. You want to show up for the responsibilities in your life. 

But are those responsibilities supposed to cost you your joy, your peace, your health, your identity? 

I'm a hospital nurse practitioner. I see tragedy and death more often than I would like. People in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and beyond, dying. Sometimes it's sudden and unexpected. In other instances, it's related to disease processes that have progressed over time. But one thing remains true in every case: no one can predict their last day. 

I remember being at work one day, standing in the nutrition closet, and I had this thought so clearly: I don't want to die miserable. Like, I don't know how long I have. None of us do. It could be 50 hours, it could be 50 years. But if my life ended sooner than I expected, and I spent my days living it miserably, that would suck. 

So that moment changed something for me. It caused me to reframe how I had been viewing my life. 

I am a mom, a wife, a healthcare professional, and so much more. I was a caregiver for my dad during his transplant and cancer journey, and I now find myself in a caregiving role again for another family member. These are real responsibilities, and no matter how I may feel about them at times, I do believe them to be part of God's assignment for my life in their appointed seasons. 

What I had to learn the hard way is that these assignments do not cancel the assignment I have over my own life. 

Outside of my assignment to others, I also have an assignment to steward myself well, to care for my mind, body, and well-being, to become the healthiest and most whole version of myself that I can be. Because you cannot show up in the fullness of your purpose if you're constantly stressed, overwhelmed, depleted, and unwell. 

This realization didn't make my responsibilities disappear, but it did make me start looking for ways to stop disappearing from my own life and become more intentional about making space to breathe, to rest, and to reconnect with who I was and what I needed. 

I think sometimes, especially as women, we can become so focused on the roles and responsibilities in our lives that we ignore the responsibility we have to ourselves. 

We have to learn that honoring the responsibility we have to ourselves does not mean neglecting others. It does not mean abandoning your family. And it does not mean refusing to care. It simply means recognizing that you matter too. 

Like, our lives can be messy, full, and demanding, but still hold beauty and meaning. We can love our families, love our children, love our work, and still need a break from it sometimes, because two things can be true at once. Like, you can be grateful and still feel overwhelmed. You can love people deeply and still need space. You can be responsible and still be tired, and you can be committed to others and still need to come back to yourself. 

That's what Making Space for Me is about. It's about making space for yourself in the middle of the crazy, the busy, the overwhelming. It's about understanding that even if your days are full, even if your responsibilities are real, you still deserve room to be. You still deserve moments to pause, and you still deserve care. 

Now, I get that time can feel very limited most days, but just like we make space for everything else, we can make space for ourselves too if we're intentional. 

If you have been feeling buried under the weight of life, this is your reminder that you are not meant to disappear inside your responsibilities, that your assignment in the lives of others does not negate the assignment you have over your own life. So let this be your permission to care for you, not instead of your responsibilities, but alongside them. 

If this episode resonated with you, I hope you share it with someone who may need a reminder that caring for themselves is not selfish, it's stewardship. 

Until next time, be gentle with yourself and keep making space for you.